My relationship with death has changed a bit in the past couple years.
I used to think full life was living and only living. Only thinking about life, the day we’re in, the days ahead, and never considering that one of those days would end. Because death is sad. Because death is the opposite of living. So we should put death in some junk drawer to be forgotten.
The same junk drawer with the notes saved from high school and your crushed penny collection from amusement parks that you swore would be a collection you would never stop adding to when you were seven. But I don’t think there is where death belongs. To consider death is to consider life. And to consider life is to consider death. They might not be opposite as much as two sides of one coin.
About a year ago someone told me about an app that sends you quotes from well known figures as reminders that you will in fact die one day. The app would send these not once, not twice, but five times. Five times a day, the WeCroak app1 sends notifications to invite you to contemplate your demise.
Dark.
I felt like I had enough sad shit swimming in my brain and did not think this would be helpful. Why would I willing sign up to be reminded that my life would end at any moment — probably before I’m able to do anything substantial enough to be remembered2.
But to my surprise, it did not increase dark thoughts. Instead, it brought light to areas of my life that was in need of some color. Areas that have always been there but I allowed the down and out, woe is me, wtf is life thoughts to be the loudest. Drowning out these other areas of my life that we’re quietly waiting to speak.
Contemplating death pulled me into deeper waters of living life. More room to explore, more space to take up. I would be reminded not of the bleakness that life can be but of it’s preciousness. Life is limited, filled with time we will never get back no matter how much we work.
I started becoming more intentional with my time. Investing it in the things I love and the things I’m passionate about. I was spending so much time for others, which isn’t a bad, but don’t we deserve to spend time on and for ourselves too? I’m not perfect at it. It’s still an ebb and flow, being pulled in and pushed away from being conscious of how I’m spending my finite life.
But the tide seems to be pulling me in more than it does pushing me away from living my life.
I launched a new project that I have been talking about for over a year. Maybe longer. Probably longer. Okay a very long time. But this past year I have made more progress in making it a reality and this past week was the first step of putting it out there3.
And yesterday I received a phone call from Johnny. He mentioned last week that he might be coming up so I thought that’s why he was calling. But it wasn’t about that. He was calling to show some appreciation for doing something that I’ve been talking about for a while. For turning my ideas into reality.
And it was probably a relief call too because he and no one else has to sit across the table from a broken record playing the same old tune they memorized three conversations ago — and not in the kind of way you memorize songs to be able sing at your favorite artist’s concert. More like when you memorize a song that was great until that friend has it on repeat every moment of every car ride, every hang out, and beats it to death. We’ve all been that friend. I’ve been that friend4.
Anyways — Johnny’s phone call was one of those moments that quietly spoke of the preciousness of life. He took time out of his day to call just to say he was proud, excited, and appreciates what I’m doing.
I often get pulled away from passion projects because I think I should be doing stuff that is going to make money. Sometimes even turning passion projects into making money only to kill the passion because now it’s more work and less art. I know we need money to live5 but I need art to be alive. I need experiences. And sometimes that means doing stuff that won’t lead to making money. Like this latest project, this Substack newsletter, or traveling a whole lot. But I can always get a job and get more money. I can’t get more time.
So do your passion project. Invest time into things that pull you into to the deep waters that give you space to be you and explore the goodness life has to offer. Even if it costs you money to do them. This past year I’ve spent a lot of money on pursuing passions and experiencing life. Johnny and talked about this on that phone call and he at one point said, “die with debt.” Less about being financially reckless but more about spending money on moments we won’t get back. It’s worth the investment.
This is honestly more of a post to preach to myself. I needed this reminder to keep doing just this.
And to pick up my phone and spend some time to call people to let them know who they are and what they do matters. Johnny even mentioned he reread some Just Josh Writes writings and how he appreciated these too. That’s why I opened up the Just Josh Writes dashboard to write something here for the first time since September 2022. I did say it would be irregular, inconsistent topics but always (hopefully) interesting stories and thoughts I have on life. I guess I’m just staying on brand.
Website: justjoshperez.com
Twitter: @justjoshperez
Instagram: @justjoshperez
“Find happiness by contemplating your mortality.” - https://www.wecroak.com/
Though I do have a bet with one of my best friends. Whoever out lives the other has to build a life size statue of the one who goes on to the other side first. So I don’t really have to accomplish anything to be remembered. There will be a statue.
This is normally where one would put the link to the project they are referencing but this isn’t about the project. It’s more about the phone call I had with Johnny. Which I’m about to get to.
38 plays shy from once a day.
Which I hate and think why did we do this to ourselves. And then realize the why is attached to a who, a who who benefits from capitalism but that is for a different writing.